Trust

trust

–noun

1.  reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2.  confident expectation of something; hope.

...

4.  a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

 I have recently had my trust in someone tested, yet again.  And it has failed the test, yet again.  The initial time the trust was broken was years ago and over time I have tried to forgive and try to allow that trust to be regained. 
How does one regain trust that has been lost? 
Can lost trust be regained?

I have read many stories, articles, perspectives, opinions, and discussed with my best friends over many cocktails and the consenus is unanimous.  Yes, no, sometimes, and it depends.

The biggest factor that seems to contribute to the ability to regain trust is the commitment to rebuilding that trust on the part of the person who broke the trust in the first place.  The second biggest factor seems to be the willingness to forgive on the part of the person whose trust was broken. 

It depends was a very popular response -- it depends .... on what happened?  How often did it happen.  How big of a deal was it?  Was there regret, or remorse?

How do you regain the trust?  If there is remorse on behalf of the trust-breaker; and a willingness to forgive on behalf of the trust-breakee, you have a good start.  Then it takes a lot of time, honesty, communication and effort.

Strategies: 
Say what you mean.
Do what you say you're going to do, actions speak much louder than words.
Follow through on your word (your verbal commitments).
Look out for the other's well being.
Think about how your actions may make the other person feel, hurt or hinder the other person and make conscious decisions on your actions.
Go out of your way to put in the effort to rebuild the trust.
Know that it is going to take time.   Both must be committed to slowly rebuilding the trust.
One action that breaks the trust may require one hundred positive actions to rebuild it.
Communication, communication, communication.  Honesty, honesty, honesty.

After many "innocent" incidences (there is always some explaination ...) that have happened, and a lack of effort - sadly, I believe that our trust is beyond repair.  We need to be honest with each other and both commit to letting go and moving on.

Eat, Pray, Love

A couple of friends and I went to this movie last week and there were a couple of things that really hit me.  So much so that I've actually gotten a copy of the book and plan to read the whole thing!  I am not usually one to read the book, then see the movie.  I usually like books more than the movies.  I also dislike all of the "hype."  Eat, Pray, Love had a lot of hype -- probably by Oprah or something.  So, I avoided it.  Blah, blah, blah, girly book.  

Well, we saw the movie and I loved it (yea, it's easy to love when Julia Roberts is one of your idols too ...) but it was so powerful. So real.  So me.  Well, without the great year long soul-finding travel to beautiful places ... but you know what I mean.  

One quote that hit me the most was: 

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) 

Interesting concept.  I don't think I have found MY soul mate.  But I know I have been theirs ... not sure if they've been open to me being their soul mate, but I know I have done this for someone.  And, true enough ... it didn't last.  

Powerful.  I need to be more open to meeting a soul mate.  

Another simple thing for Happy People ... "Be Open to New Ideas"   

I'm ready.